i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
