I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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