This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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