So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
