I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
