I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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