having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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