I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
