he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
