She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We left the knife in your bed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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