I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
