i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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