Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
