He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize