The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize