apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
