shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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