you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
