quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
