Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My ass is underappreciated
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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