i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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