onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize