My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
