you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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