I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
