Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
