so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
please come you make the beer taste better
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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