Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
