Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
