saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
