I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
