It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
