she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
