mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Be still, my beating vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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