the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
