Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
