I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
