He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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