pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
