She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
