You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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