Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
