My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have aggressive nipples.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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