he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
