I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
