I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
