I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
