if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
