I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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