Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
