WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
