Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
