I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
