i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
