youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
