My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
