last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
