yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
