i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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