I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
