she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
