I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
