we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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