Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
