What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
