oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize