Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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