I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
