best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
